he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
