hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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