she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
