Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
