I'm eating all of the evidence.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
