I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's shark week go big or go home
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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