You made me cry and you don't even care
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
