and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
