member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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