toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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