I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
