I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
