I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
