my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
