Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
