i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
