so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
