Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
