I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
