you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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