dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
