Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
vagina is talking i cant
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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