She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
