dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
