Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
