Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
