She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
