Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
