I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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