This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The convent might be a nice break from real life
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
