i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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