this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
