awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
