I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
These tits shall not be calmed
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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