I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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