I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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