Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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