Jerry, you need to find god
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
