I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
