I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
