So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
