the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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