omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
