fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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