I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
