i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So vagazzling was a success
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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