It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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