batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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