Banned from zoo.
Again?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
What drink are we having for lunch?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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