How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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