I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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