Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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