Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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