literally had 100 drinks last night.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
