Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
