In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
