no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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